My Thirty-Four Self

My sixteen year old self is driving a van? How did I go from 16 to 34 with two kids and a minivan? It's called life. A few weeks ago, I took a short trip to FL for my Aunts 80th Surprise party. She had no clue I was coming. I'm sure she thought how in the world is she going to get away with two little kids. Well I did. Thanks to my awesome husband. As I sat on the plane, I had time to think. Just me and my thoughts. You can't do much on your phone in airplane mode, so I looked at my notes app. WOW, its been almost a year since I've even thought about doing a blog post. It's hard from going to an independent hard working woman, to a yoga wearing, bun hair do, stay at home mom! You know what, I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I'm learning we go through phases in life an those phases help prepare us for the future God has planned for us. There are days, I feel overwhelmed, wondering what is Gods plan for my future? Pretty sure, I'm not the only mom who thinks this way. I'm learning everyday, it's ok to be scared, it's ok to feel misunderstood, it's ok to still want to do other things in this life besides, clean up poop diapers, clean boo-boos and have spinach-apple pouch stained clothes (some even in the hair). I believe God has something planned for me. What you ask? I don't know. I am learning more and more everyday what my true passions are in this life. One thing I do know, is we are not alone in this world. We have a Savior who will listen, who will guide us, who will give us strength on days when walking up the stairs one more time to get more diapers may just kill us. As moms, we have the hardest job. It isn't easy, but there are days I cry out to him and know I'm not alone. As I sat on that plane and looked out the window, I realized this world is filled full of opportunity and God will never leave us. He has plans for us if we just listen. Who is listening? I know I am and I'm trying to hear more and more everyday.

In One Word

Chaos!! One word that describes most of my days. Chaos, a total lack of organization or order. With a very active two year old and 4 month old, I feel like my life is in complete chaos. My house is a mess most days with toy trucks in random places, building blocks in different rooms, bibs on the couch, books all over the place and play-Doh stuck in the rug. You know what that tells me? I have a home that is filled with love and children. A good friend of mine always says "This to shall pass" and she's right, this is such a short time in life and one day, I will miss it. Think about this, if you were to leave this world today, would it matter that you had dishes in the sink or would it matter that you shared time playing and teaching your children? I know I would rather leave this world doing the latter. Today, I've stayed home 1. Because I haven't felt great (mother nature time) and 2. I just wanted to play with my boys. Hunter is at a fun age and is such a little sponge and sometimes you just need mommy to play, so we did just that. Colton is 4 months and already rolling over and for the first time he played in the jump-a-roo ! It was so fun to watch and I found myself reminiscing of the days Hunter played in the same jump-a-roo. WOW! Was that really almost two years ago? So, I realized I need to slow down and savor these moments, because it really will pass and I really will miss it. Every age comes with its own set of memories and fun times, but I want to experience them all to the fullest. As I walked down the steps from laying my oldest down for a nap, I looked at the bridge we made out of legos for the hot wheels, the jump-a-roo my youngest played in today and the trucks all over the couch. I thought to myself, today has been a fun day !! I wasn't worried that the house was a mess, I was happy that we had fun together. Slow down because life really does fly by and you don't want to miss it. What word best describes your days?

Almost a year later

WOW, Talk about life getting away from you. It has been almost a year since my first post. I guess time really does fly when you are having fun ! My life has changed drastically since last August. I am now a Mommy of 2 boys. Hunter the oldest just turned two and Colton the youngest just turned 11weeks. The past couple months have felt like a whirl wind. Seriously. I was scheduled to have Colton on June 1, but he decided he was ready to come out and I went into labor May 26 and he was born ! He weighed a whooping 8lbs.....much bigger than his brother. I thank the LORD for healthy boys. I was able to go home after two days since I had a prior C-section and was doing so well. I was terrified of having another C-section and post pregnancy of what it would be like to be a mom of two (under the age of two). I stressed about my blood pressure because I had issues after Hunter and I was scared it would happen again. Everyday I obsessed, but I had to give it to the Lord and let it go, which was hard, but I was finally able to. With all the stress of brining a new baby home, trying to make a two year old understand what was going on and why mommy couldn't pick him up was challenging for all of us THEN on top of all the crazy, I had to go back into the hospital to have my appendix taken out after only 13 days post C-section. Yeah, I know poor me and how crazy! I've heard it all. However, I believe it was a blessing in disguise. My mother in law was still here and was able to stay a few extra days to help our family keep it together. Plus, we have fabulous neighbors/friends and Church members bring us meals, which was the biggest blessing. I remember crying thinking to myself, WHY and WILL I EVER FEEL NORMAL? Hormones can do crazy things to your body and if you don't believe that than you are CRAZY. Almost three months later and things are going well. I am grateful and reminded everyday that my husband and our boys are my greatest blessing on this earth. I read my post from last year and I was reminded of the struggles we had to go through in order to get to where we are now. This verse Romans 8:25-28 is a great reminder

²⁵But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a] have been called according to his purpose. (NIV)

I did have hope. Hope that I would be a mommy. I waited patiently (although times I wasn't so patient) and in his time he blessed us with a child, now two. To my surprise I really didn't know what I was praying for because I got way more. I asked God to bless us with a child, but he did intercede and also gave me patience, understanding, a love I never knew or understood, made me a better wife, better follower and better person. I love my boys and so grateful to be on this path of parenthood. I hope if you are reading this you are given hope as well. Whether the Lord blesses you to conceive, ability to adopt, foster or whatever the case may be. Trust in him and have hope that he will work good if you love him and follow him.

So you are going to be a Mom?

Oh my gosh, Jon I'm pregnant! Do you remember the first time you told your spouse, boyfriend or someone you were pregnant?  I do. I was excited, but nervous at the same time.  I had three miscarriages before I became pregnant with our son. I was beyond terrified. I wasn't sure if this was going to happen for real or if I would be disappointed yet again. So, I prayed. Every morning when I woke up and every night before I went to bed I prayed for the baby growing inside of me. My prayer was simple, I declared the baby in the name of Jesus. My words, "God please protect this baby, keep him healthy and allow me to carry him full term" That was my prayer. So simple, yet powerful. One year later, I'm a Mom, but I'm not only a Mom. I'm a non stop, chasing after, cleaning up, washing clothes, cooking, working part-time, Mom. As a parent, especially a Mom we have to wear multiple hats all day, everyday. It's hard. Some days are easier than others and some days seem like a lifetime. I love every minute of it, even the days that get the best of me. My purpose of this blog, is to share my testimony of getting to the place I am now and sharing life with other woman. I want to share stories, offer advice, maybe receive some advice and maybe even share some recipes (I love to cook and bake).  Life is hard. We all need community and someone to tell us it is going to be ok. We have a Heavenly Father who wants us to Dream, Love, and Teach one another. He wants us to share life together. I love the Lord and I trust in him. We all have days where we get discouraged and don't trust like we should or maybe we lose hope, but whatever is going on in your life, I know the power of prayer and I know God is always good. There have been days I doubted and started to lose Faith. I wondered if I would ever become a Mom. One verse spoke to me and still does to this day, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer" Romans 12:12. It speaks to my soul. I mean hope is a powerful four letter word. God says "be patient and faithful in prayer" I was patient for a long time and even the days I doubted I never lost Faith. I love being a Mom. With a one year old who never stops, I'm exhausted at the end of the day, but I'm always reminded of the journey it took to become a Mom and I'm grateful.